The Jokes Blog

Top Funny (Best) Jokes Collections

2008-11-05T02:12:00.000-08:00

Top Funny Jokes Collections - Best Fun Jokes

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints" But now they are called.. " IT professionals "

2 ) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3. ) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..

Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many,

4. ) Employee:

Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5. ) Philosophy of life

At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6. ) What is Fear?

Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...!

7. ) Useful

Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant..
The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us

--

Related Top Jokes

Husband's Funny Mail to Wife

2008-07-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .
He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

--

Funny Sardarji Jokes, Courtroom Jokes, Daughter and Mother Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Father and Son Jokes, Best Funny Jokes, Girlfriend Jokes, Husband and Wife Jokes, Interview Jokes, Ladies Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Other Top Jokes, Naughty Jokes, Cool Nice Jokes, Office Jokes, Professional Jokes, Sardarji Jokes, Teacher and Student Jokes, Top Jokes,

Strange Sokcs - Class Room Jokes

2008-07-05T05:37:00.001-07:00

TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you’re wearing, one is green and the other is blue with red spots !!

Johnny: Yes, it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home.

--

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English Teacher n Student Jokes

2008-07-05T05:34:00.000-07:00

During an English lesson, the teacher notices that Johnny was not paying attention to him.

Teacher: Johnny , join these two sentences together. I was cycling to school. I saw a dead body.

Johnny: (thinking for a while) I saw a dead body cycling to school.

--

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Two Pronouns - Teacher Student Jokes

2008-07-05T05:28:00.000-07:00

Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.

Johnny: Who, me?

Teacher: Very good!

--

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Before and After Marriage - Nice Joke

2008-07-03T06:28:00.000-07:00

Before Marriage
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage... Simply read from bottom to top.

--

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Pretend To Be Married - Cool Funny Jokes

2008-07-03T06:23:00.000-07:00

A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the woman,saying,

"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be kind enough to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied.

"Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we're married?"

"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he is excited.

And she said. ..

.. .

. .. .

. .. ..

.. .. ..

.. .. .. ..

.. .. .. .. .

. .. .. .. .. .. ..

"Then get up and take it yourself"!!

--

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Funny Jokes - Teacher n Student

2008-07-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

Math's Teacher: If you have

12 Chocolates and you

Give 5 to Lela,
3 to Anita and
4 to Julia

Then what will u get????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Student: 3 New

Girlfriends

Mam!!!

--

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Brothers on a Picnic -Top Funny Jokes

2008-06-29T00:11:00.000-07:00

Once 3 brothers decided to go on a picnic.

When they got there, they realized that they had forgot the soda.

The youngest brother said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back.

The other two agreed to wait patiently.

An hour went by, then a Day, the next day the the 2 brothers said

'oh, come on, let's eat the snacks'
...
..
..
...

...

...

...

...
...

...

...

...
...

...

...

...
...

...

...

...
...

...

...

...
...

...

...

...
...

Suddenly the Young brother poped up from behind a rock and said

'If you do like this, I won't go.'

--

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Mail From Husband to Wife - Best Jokes Must Read

2008-06-25T00:41:00.000-07:00

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,

Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!

Sardarji Attending Examination

2008-06-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

Sardar bhupindher Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.

The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.

Oye, I am only following the instructions:
- 'Answer in BRIEF'.

--

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Letter from Banta Singh to Bill Gates

2008-06-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

****Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates****

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
.

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

****************************

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

--

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Little Johnny Jokes - Drink Whiskey

2008-04-29T00:46:00.000-07:00

Little Johnny’s chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

“Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms,” said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. “Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms!”

--

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Do You Pray Before Eating - School Jokes

2008-04-29T00:45:00.001-07:00

The Sunday School Teacher asks, “Now, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

“No sir,” Student replies, “I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook!”

--

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Ant and Elephant have Romance

2008-04-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.

The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead.

"Shit!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

---

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Interested in Fun Stuffs? Visit http://thefunstuffs.blogspot.com/

Husband and Thieft - Cool Jokes

2008-04-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no,no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I`ve been trying to do that for years!"

--

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Naughty Jokes - Dinner With Girl Friend

2008-04-25T05:35:00.000-07:00

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents (PG)

Prom Night was coming up, and a girl announced to her boyfriend that she wanted to make it special and take a hotel room for the night.

Being the responsible type, the boy went to the Pharmacy to purchase protection. The pharmacist was very helpful and guided the boy for about an hour and told him everything there was to know.

The boy came early to pick his girlfriend, and her Mother invited him to join them for dinner. When they sat down, the boy, looking to impress her parents, offered to say grace then bowed his head. A minute passed, and the boy was still deep in prayer...5 minutes passed, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 10 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leaned over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

--

Naughty Jokes, Cool Nice Jokes, Office Jokes, Professional Jokes, Sardarji Jokes, Teacher and Student Jokes, Top Jokes, Funny Sardarji Jokes, Courtroom Jokes, Daughter and Mother Jokes, Doctor Jokes, Father and Son Jokes, Best Funny Jokes, Girlfriend Jokes, Husband and Wife Jokes, Interview Jokes, Ladies Jokes, Little Johnny Jokes, Marriage Jokes, Other Top Jokes,

Innocent Thief - Lawyer Jokes

2008-04-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

A man accused of theft was appearing before the Judge.
"Your Honor," his lawyer said, "I feel it is very unfair for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in this city only a few days ago and barely knows his way around. What's more, he is only able to speak a few words of English."
The judge looked sternly at the defendant and asked, "How much English do you speak?"
The defendant looked up and replied, "Give me your wallet!"

--
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Naughty Jokes - Playing Golf

2008-04-22T08:30:00.001-07:00

A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened.

"Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough," replied his friend.

"Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. Finding mine, I thought I'd give her a hand. There was a cow nearby and I noticed that every time the cow twitched its tail there was a flash of white.

So I went over to it and lifted its tail and sure enough there was the ball. I called out to the chick and said, 'Lady, does this look like yours?' And the bitch hit me in the neck with her driver!"

---------

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Teacher Jokes - Nationality

2008-04-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

Teacher: What are the people of Turkey called?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: They are called Turks, now What are the people of Germany called?
Student: They are called Germs.

-----

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Chinese Call Center - Funny Jokes

2008-04-22T07:27:00.000-07:00

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

Caller: Oh ......God!!!

------

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Husband and Wife Jokes - Taj Mahal

2008-04-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Wife: How much you love me, dear?
Hubby: How much as Shahjahan loved Mumthaz

Wife: Oh dear, so will you make a Taj Mahal for me like Shahjahan did?
Hubby: Of course sweetheart! I have already bought a plot for that. But you are making the delay!

More Husband and Wife Jokes

More Funny Jokes

Sardarji Jokes - Sardar in a Bar

2008-04-19T02:43:00.000-07:00

Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night having a beer.

The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'

The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'

OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice.'

Balle balle !!!!

Girlfriend Jokes - Love Letter

2008-04-18T10:54:00.001-07:00

A different Love letter and a beautiful reply to it.

A teenage college guy sent a love letter (in Q/A format) to his classmate.

My Dearest Reshma,

Please answer the following questionnaire. For Options

(A) 10 marks,
(b) 5marks and
(c) 3 marks.

**********

1) Whenever you enter the class room, your sight always falls on me because:

(a) of love
(b) you couldn't control seeing me
(c) really ... am I doing it?

**********

2) Whenever professor cracks joke, you laugh and turn and look at me because:

(a) you always like to see me smiling
(b) you are testing whether I like jokes
(c) you are attracted by my smile

**********

3) When you were singing in the class, I entered and immediately you stopped singing because:

(a) you are so coy to sing before me
(b) my presence influenced you
(c) you feared that whether I'll like your song

**********

4) When you were showing your childhood photo, when I asked for it, you hide it because:

(a) you felt ashamed
(b) you felt uneasy
(c) you don't know

**********

5) During trekking, myself and my friend gave you hand for lifting you and you took only my friend's because:

(a) you enjoyed my disappointment
(b) you won't feel leaving my hand after grabbing
(c) you don't know

**********

6) You were waiting yesterday for bus and didn't get into your bus...

(a) you were waiting for me
(b) you were dreaming about me and didn't notice the bus
(c) that bus was crowded

**********

7) You introduced me to your parents when they came to college because:

(a) I am going to be your groom
(b) you just want to know what your parents think about me
(c) just you felt like introducing me to them

**********

8) I told that I like girls wearing roses. Next day, you came with a rose on your head because:

(a) to fulfill my wish
(b) you like roses
(c) by chance you got a rose

**********

9) On that day, it was my birthday. you too came to temple early at 6:00 A.M because:

(a) you want to pray along with me
(b) you want to meet me before any one could meet on my birthday
(c) you want to wish me at temple because you are spiritual.

**********

If you have scored more than 40, then you are loving me. Don't delay in expressing it.

If you have scored between 30 and 40, love is budding in your heart and it's getting ready to bloom. If you have scored less than 30, you are in confusion whether to love me or not.

Eagerly awaiting your reply..

Love, Aakash

*********************

Reshma's reply letter was also in Q/A format........

Aakash,

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

**********

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class, sees them.

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

2) If a girl laughs and looks anyone, is it love?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop singing or not?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.

You poked your nose inside..... right ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand yet?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?

(a)Yes (b) No

**********

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it true ?

(a) Yes (b) No

**********

9) Oh was that your birthday. That's why I could see you in temple. I come daily to Temple. Do you know ?

(a) Yes (b) No

If you have answered "Yes" to any of the question, then I am not loving you. If you have answered "No", then you don't know the meaning of Love.

Hope everything is clear to you.

Cool Joke - I Want Divorce

2008-04-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

A married couple are driving along a highway doing 60mph, the wife behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks over at her and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 20 years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing but slowly increases speed to 70 mph.

He then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet but speeds up as her anger increases.

"I want the house," he insists, pressing his luck. Again the wife speeds up, to eighty mph.

He says, "I want the car, too," but she just drives faster and faster.

By now she's up to ninety mph. "All right," he says, "I want the bank accounts, and all the credit cards, too."

The wife slowly starts to veer toward a bridge.

This makes him a bit nervous, so he says, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife says, "No, I've got everything I need."

"Oh, really," he says, "so what have you got?"

Right before they slam into the wall at a 100 mph, the wife smiles and says, " The airbag."

School Jokes - Teacher and Student

2008-04-16T12:15:00.000-07:00

Teacher : U failure ! At your age Bill Gates stood first in the class

Student : Mind u, Sir, but at your Hitler committed suicide

--

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Teacher Student Jokes - Where did the Mughals rule

2008-04-16T12:14:00.000-07:00

History Teacher : From where to where did the Mughals rule ?

Student : Sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher and Student Jokes

2008-04-16T12:13:00.000-07:00

Teacher : Four beautiful ladies r walking on the road.

Change it to exclamatory sentence ..

Student : WOW !

----

More School Jokes

Husband and Wife Jokes

2008-04-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"

Sign Board In front of an IT company

2008-04-16T00:10:00.001-07:00

A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Dot kill our Employees...

..... Leave them to us

Employee and Boss - Office Jokes

2008-04-16T00:09:00.001-07:00

Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

Confusing Farmer - Lawyer Jokes

2008-04-15T03:49:00.000-07:00

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce’s.” The attorney said, “well do you have any grounds?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, ” No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?” The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.” The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.” The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?” The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?” The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. “WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?” And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

Sardarji in Delhi - Sardarji Jokes

2008-04-14T09:49:00.001-07:00

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder ."

The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder ".

Resignation Letter Joke

2008-04-12T02:28:00.000-07:00

World's smallest resignation letter

Dear Sir,

I Love your Wife.

thank you.

Love Letter Jokes

2008-04-11T23:00:00.000-07:00

Love Letter By An Advertising Manager

My Dear FAIR & LOVELY (ek tukda chand ka),

You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love)
and my AIWA (Pure Passion).
I always BPL (Believe in the Best) and
you are SANSUI (Better Than The Best).
You are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering Million Smiles) for me.
This is a COLGATE ENERGY GEL (Seriously Fresh)feeling for me.
As you know I am RAYMONDS (The Complete Man) for you,
I want you to be my life partner but I think you are worried about your father
who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The Unshakable)
and my father who is CEAT (Born Tough) but don't
worry as I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are
pretty KELVINATORS (The Coolest Ones).
If they will say no, we will run away
and marry and PHILIPS (Let's Make Things Better).
In our marriage SAMSUNG (Everyone's Invited).
Our parents will feel MIRINDA (zor ka jhatka dhire se lage)
but I believe in COCA COLA (jo chahe ho jaye).
Trust in the God who's always NOKIA (Connecting People)
who love each other. And we are WILLS (Made For Each Other).
Now that HYUNDAI (We are Listening) the song of love,
you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (Real Taste of Life),
SATYAM ONLINE (Fun Fast Easy) and
PARX (Always Comfortable).
So never forget me.
Ok bye I wrote little but PEPSI (ye dil maange more).

LG (Digitally yours),

A Letter To God

2008-04-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Finally he decided to write to God a letter requesting the Rs.50. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, INDIA, they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20.The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank you note to God, which read: "Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs.30

Misc Indian Jokes

2008-04-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

Some Indian Jokes....

1. SSC + HSC + BCOM + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT

2. An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

4. Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

5. Special Effects in Shampoo ads = Special effects in Jurassic park.

6. 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = a 4
minute song in Hindi movie.

7. Ajay Devgan + cosmetic surgery + acting ability + personality +
own production company = Kajol

8. Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

9. Amitabh Bachchan - Mrityudaata + Kaun Banega Crorepati = A SUPERSTAR.

10. Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan - Talent = Abhishek Bachchan

11. Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

12. 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

13. 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

14. 1 person + straight hair + un-straight walk = Sanjay Dutt

15. 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

16. One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four
hundred Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace =

One sooraj Barjataya Film

**********

& The winner is .........

One S/W engineer + No work = Many forwards...........!!!!

Interview - What Salary were you looking for?

2008-04-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The Engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

Laloo's Magic

2008-04-09T02:51:00.000-07:00

Look at the Laloo's point

A British Diplomat paid a courtesy visit to Lalloojee.

During a Garden party at the Palace, he thought of entertaining Lalloojee with the following magic of numbers.

He said, "Your excellency, Look at the value of the alphabet:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Now, look at this Sir, if we calculate together it will be:

H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only

L O B B Y I N G
12 15 2 2 25 9 14 7 = 86 % Only

L U C K
12 21 3 11 = 47 % Only

Sir, you should look at the final one, which is most important.

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %

Sir, do you find it useful?

This magic can work on your people to improve themselves, increase productivity, and make your Kingdom prosperous.

Sir, I can arrange to send our experts to coach your people. We can do t in less than a year"

Lalloojee thought for a while; and said,

"I have better formula. See this......

C O R R U P T I O N
3 15 18 21 16 9 15 14 = 111 %

Do you want me to come and teach your people?

I can do it in less than one week."

How was I born

2008-04-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

Little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and me met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said:

You got Male !!!!................

Ticketless Girls

2008-04-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

TTR fined Ticketless girls in Train.

Churidar girl fined Rs 100.

Midi girl Rs 50

Half skirt girl Rs 25

Next girl was fined Rs 0....why?

Think +ve....

She HAD TICKET!

Why you always carry my photo

2008-04-06T20:29:00.000-07:00

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

I Keep Forgetting Things

2008-04-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

The colour is not good

2008-04-06T03:43:00.000-07:00

Lady : The design of the sari is excellent. But the colour is not good.

Salesman : Don't worry mam. The colour will disappear after the first wash.

What's 2 + 2

2008-04-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?"

The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four."

The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four."

The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked

"How much do you want it to be?"

Drunkard was brought to court

2008-04-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded,

"Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

Honey What are You Looking for

2008-04-01T04:55:00.000-07:00

Wife: Honey ...... What are You Looking for?

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: Nothing...?? You have been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ...??

Husband: I was just looking for the expiry date.

I was sitting on daddy's lap

2008-04-01T04:54:00.000-07:00

Little Johnny: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Little Johnny: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

A newly married man

2008-04-01T04:49:00.000-07:00

A newly married man asked his wife,

"Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

Honey,"the woman replied Sweetly,

"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Love marriage and Arranged marriage

2008-04-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

Its funny when people discuss over "love marriage" and "arranged marriage"

It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".

Sentences using the word beans

2008-04-01T04:45:00.000-07:00

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans".

My Father grows beans," said one student.

"My father cooks beans," said another.

Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Show your report card

2008-04-01T04:42:00.000-07:00

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Its already raining

2008-04-01T04:41:00.000-07:00

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.

Servant it's already raining.

Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Salary Expected

2008-04-01T04:39:00.000-07:00

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: “Definitely Yes”!

Why are all these people running

2008-04-01T04:37:00.000-07:00

Sardar - Why are all these people running?

Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.

Sardar - If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?

Convert this sentence into future tense

2008-04-01T04:36:00.000-07:00

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.

Student: The future tense is "you will go to jail".

A Teacher lecturing on population

2008-04-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

A student stands up and said - we must find & stop her!

Where were you born

2008-03-31T23:38:00.000-07:00

Teacher to Student " Where were you born?"

Student: In Thiruvanantapuram.

Teacher : Spell it?

Student: (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.

Will you give me a ring

2008-03-31T23:35:00.000-07:00

On a romantic day Sardar's girlfriend asks him.

Darling on our engagement day will you give me a ring.

Sardar: Ya sure, from landline or mobile.

How does an electric motor run

2008-03-31T23:30:00.000-07:00

In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. ...

Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.

Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Whose skeleton is that

2008-03-31T23:29:00.000-07:00

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose is that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

I thought it was a new one

2008-03-31T23:28:00.000-07:00

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue you have broken.

Visitor: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

You will die within 2 hour

2008-03-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

Doctor to Patient: You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?

Patient: Yes. A good doctor!

I hurt all over

2008-03-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.

"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.

"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.

"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Owe, that hurts."

Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too."

Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ouch, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor thought for a moment and told her his diagnosis; "You have a broken index finger."

A Mail From Daughter to Mother

2008-03-30T10:05:00.000-07:00

MOTHER passing her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was made and everything was cleaned up. Then she saw an envelope on the bed.

It was addressed, "Mom". With the worst premonition, she opened the letter and read it with trembling hands.

Dear Mom,

It is with great sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Dad. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed, and he is so nice, even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and motorcycle clothes.

But it's not only the passion, Mom. I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me, and that's now one of my dreams, too.

Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it ourselves and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better. He sure deserves it! Don't worry about me,Mom. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your loving daughter XXXXXXX

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbours'house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card, which is in the center drawer of my desk. I love you.

Please call when it is safe to come home.

A Strange Mail From Nurse

2008-03-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him that she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.

"But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked.

He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write "spaghetti" on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.

Six months went by, and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and said, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means."

The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you."

Later that evening the doctor came home, read the postcard, and fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the hospital emergency room. The head medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.

So the wife picked up the card and read: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs; two without."

Girlfriend Kiss

2008-03-30T09:53:00.000-07:00

One night a guy took his girlfriend home. As they were about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.

With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her
"Honey, would you give me a kiss?"

Horrified, she replied,
"Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" .
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" .
"No, no, and no. I love you too,
but I just can't!" .
"Oh yes you can. Please?" ............
"No, no. I just can't"
"I'm begging you ... "

Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and the girl's older sister showed up in her pyjamas, hair dishevelled, and in a sleepy voice she said,

"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake and all of ours....

"" TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE INTERCOM ""

Nice Office Joke

2008-03-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: "Bring to me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded: "You fool; you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone

Marriage Terminated

2008-03-29T06:48:00.000-07:00

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Husband: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

One Ghost To Another

2008-03-29T06:46:00.000-07:00

"What did one ghost say to another?"
"Do you believe in people?"

My Husband is the Best

2008-03-29T06:44:00.000-07:00

Ms X to Mrs Y: "What do use for washing dishes?"

Mrs Y: "Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best. "

Why Hit Husband With a Chair

2008-03-29T06:35:00.000-07:00

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"

Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."

More than 100 Letters

2008-03-29T06:32:00.000-07:00

Interviewer: Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Applicant: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.

After a Foreign Trip

2008-03-29T06:31:00.000-07:00

After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?

Only Small Babies

2008-03-29T06:30:00.000-07:00

One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this
village???

Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

Your Birth Date

2008-03-29T06:21:00.000-07:00

Interviewer: What is your birth date?
Applicant: 13th October
Interviewer: Which year?
Applicant: EVERY YEAR

Driving a Car

2008-03-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

2 sardars are driving a Car,

One puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working,

He puts his head out and says - YES...NO...YES...NO...YES...NO...

Sardar and Tamilian

2008-03-29T06:19:00.000-07:00

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " Tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

Exam Failed

2008-03-29T06:15:00.001-07:00

Father to Son : padosi ki ladki ko dekh. Who exam main first aai hai.

Son: Us ko he to dekhta tha tabhe to fail hogaya.

Exam Failed

2008-03-29T06:15:00.000-07:00

Father to Son : padosi ki ladki ko dekh. Who exam main first aai hai.

Son: Us ko he to dekhta tha tabhe to fail hogaya.

Will You Remarry

2008-03-29T06:08:00.000-07:00

Husband: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No, I'll stay with my sister.

Wife: If I die will you remarry?
Husband: No I'll also stay with your sister.